Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Blogs

 

...the day after.

Copied from sneak eating thread - useful self-analysis to keep. For today - I'm going to be Scarlett O'Hara - "...after all, tomorrow's another day!". I'll start fresh tomorrow, when I am feeling back on my game.   Thanks BJean, MoorLess, Little Bird - I'm still in shock about what happened this morning - I really thought I had dealt with that demon. Guess it proves that we always need to be vigilant.   Primal urge - I like that expression - it's really what it is, isn't it? Funny how some of us are affected by these urges more strongly than others. It's the same feelings I still get when my 5YO son cries, the feeling that "turned on" oh so strongly when he was born, the emotions and memories stirred when I smell violets (they remind me of my nana).   This morning, I remembered something about how the secret eating started . Since I was about 8 or 9, I used to offer to go to the milk bar for mum on a pretext of buying milk, bread or whatever, and then spending some of HER money on lollies to eat on the way home, or to hide at home for later. I knew it was wrong, on so many levels, not the least of which was because I knew she often didn't have any more money than the little bit left in her purse until pay day. I also (and still do) raid her pantry (and my own) in search of tasty morsels that I can sneak. I think she knew I did it, but I don't thinks she knew how often. I guess it's a power / control thing. Sorry mum. When I see her next, I'll share this with her - it'll help exorcise the demons!   What also scares me- is how easily and adept we all are at hiding the evidence that these events happen to us from time to time. I hate feeling deceptive and deliberately denying God.   I think a lot of the emotions and reasons why I do this stem from the self-loathing that I have for being in this condition - the emotions, (and the depression) gets worse the fatter I get. I know we all share similarities here on one level or another. I am looking forward to liking myself more in my new banded life, and finally freeing myself of these emotional chains (or at least lightening their load!).   I'm at a low ebb today - partly tired (too much late night LBT! lol!), and partly hormones (mid-cycle always gets me down). Got a case of BFU (Big Fat Uglies) just now. The hormonal cycle also seems more out of whack the bigger I get - looking forward to normalising this with weight loss too!   I'll be back on my game again by tomorrow, I'm sure.   Anyway, thanks for your support gang, and especially BJean for taking time to read my blog (it's all out there... ...first time in my life I can write about these things, and now it's comming out in torrents! lol! I AM making progress!).   I am glad not to be alone in these emotions, - I just wish for all of us that we didn't have to deal with these issues in the first place.

Goannabanda

Goannabanda

 

August 23, 2006

I had my first adjustment this morning. The flouroscope was so very cool. Dr. Minkin put in 1cc. I feel really tired today. Maybe from the nervousness, and maybe becaue of work stress.   I am on liquids only today, mushies tomorrow, and then back to regular rules on Friday. Chew, 4-6 oz. Stop when I first feel full. No liquids 2 hours after meals.   My port is very deep. My next adjustment will need to be flouro also. Dang... those cost $800 a pop.   ** REMINDER I need to see Dr. Minkin in the office before September 23.   I have to make an appt with my foot Dr. My heels hurt so BAD!   :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :tired :notagree

coleoptera

coleoptera

 

The fabulous foods I ate today .. lol ya

7:30 am Breakfast: Atkins shake + one scoop protein powder unjury   12:00 pm Lunch: Chicken chili 2 cups (320 calories)   3:00 pm Snack: SF chocolate pudding   6:30 pm Supper: Homemade chicken pot pie with the vegies out of my garden. Im going to try to eat a very small portion, maybe a cup at most. One SF pudding. Ugh why did I have to have the pudding? lol   Water: 80 0z.   Vitamins: 2 tbs Liquid vitamins, 1 Calcium chew   Goal: See what the scale says tomorrow, I think Im eating too much again. Its so hard to gage. How many calories can you eat a day and still lose weight?

KariK

KariK

 

Yo Yo

I dont have a clue on what my weigh in is going to be this week:noidea:...I thought for sure that I would go down some, but with the heat and major headaches this week I guess I havent been up to par but I still have been working out and trying to eat right...Each morning when I weigh in it looks like I keep going back and forth on the same 2 pounds...Of course I officially weigh in on the scales at work for my accurate loss and wont be back there till Sunday...Took a few days off work to get my son started in school today:Banane51:, man it was a mad house with lots of little knee high people running around...Its hard to believe that my son was at anytime that small...But its his last year in elementary school and he feels like hes the king of the school this year...He has a wonderful attitude...Oh well back to the weight, I just feel like whatever happens this week will happen...My heart just isnt in it fully right now with time off from work and wanting to rest and relax during the day:bored...Even had cheese enchiladas for lunch today:faint2: and they were wonderful...Think I might skip on dinner or maybe just some veggies or yogart...Well, off to bed to nurse my head againnnn...It really suck dilly ucks to not feel good on vacation days away from the place that I thought was causing my headaches...Oh well!:sick   Oh, and while picking some of my smilies off the list it appears that a couple perverted or could be mistaken as perverted smilies have made it on the list towards the end...Kinda wish someone would take those off...

avilla

avilla

 

getting banded on the 9th of oct.

Reading lots of forums so I can find out what it is that I am in for. Lots and Lots of great advice! I am so glad that this is here for me to read so that I can try not to make the same mistakes as some people have made. I feel bad that they have had to suffer through, but for us newbies, it's a good tool. I have 46 days until surgery! I am having very mixed emotions, I felt like this is the best thing in the world fo rme and then I read about all of the things that could happen. I guess I am scared because I am paying for this myself and knowing it costs 500+ to do a fill in my area, I am hoping that I will not have to get an unfill!

kilcollins

kilcollins

 

More decisions

LBT is showing it's ugly side again...hey ho hum. Might just stay away for a while and only do my journal...there again Im a cat and we all know about curiosity!!!!! I had a good day today as far as band life...I drank tons of water, did 2 walks of 20mins without pain and ate well. Not much else to be done then. Am going to my pool tomorrow swimming with Jordan's cousin and her 3yr old daughter so should be nice. Am not getting weighed til 6mth anniversary on 20th Septemeber so dont ask! That's all.

A1ikou

A1ikou

 

Costco and other adventures

The family and I went to Costco last night to get a few things we need for the party on the 26th (wedding reception/BBQ). I can't eat at this shindig, but I knew that when we were planning it. Either way, the trip to Costco was hard - so many goodies - pastries, etc. I will say having a list and not being able to indulge in those goodies meant that we left there with a cart costing only $129.00 - instead of the usuall $500! SEE - my band is already paying for itself!!   Anyway, I don't know if its because I over did it or because I slowly drank an entire Atkins shake yesterday, but by the time we left there I felt so sick to my tummy. The drive home was horrible and I layed down in bed and didn't move till this morning. I'm pretty sure I'm dehydrated on top of everything else. I'm swearing off food (If you can call it that) and sticking to water today. I'm going to try to drink 2 bottles of water instead of the 1 I was able to get down yesterday.   For excersice I'm sure the hour walking around in Costco counts for something!   It occurs to me that another topic no one really talks about is SEX after the band. I made sure that DH and I had a go-round the night before surgery, but a week later and he is really feeling the pressure. I'm in no mood to even entertain "other options" at this point and the poor man will have to wait a while before we get it on again....I think that is something couples should talk about before hand so everyone knows what to expect.

LittleBird

LittleBird

 

Start of Process

August 23, 2006   Had my consultation with at lap-band clinic on Friday, August 18 and after many questions and concerns were answered, I booked surgery for Sept 14. Becuase my surgery was less than a month away, I had to do pre-op tests the next day. Did blood and ECG tests (chest xray was already done). Started my pre-op diet of yogurt and cottage cheese today. I'm restricted to these two foods for the next three weeks so that my liver shrinks and makes it easier for the docs to operate. I'm glad that there wasn't much time between 1st consultation and pre-op diet becuase I took every opportunity to eat bad foods in those four days knowing that I wasn't going to be able to eat food like that for a long time. I can already tell that this is going to be a long three weeks...but well worth it.:clap2:   Larissa

BrightFuture

BrightFuture

 

Struggling with control

After doing well until 6:30pm tonight, a major setback - I had a brain-snap and pigged out on the way home, and again after I got home. Not as bad as in the old days - but a setback nonetheless. :faint:   I used to stop for food on the way home nearly every night, and eat it on the train or in the car before getting home. I'd then turn around and eat dinner, dessert, and secret late-night snacks.   For months, I'd kicked the car food habit - mainly by not letting myself ever feel too hungry in the afternoons. Obviously that's trouble in itself... At work I usually eat my way through the arvo - it must be boredom or frustration, because I don't do it on my non-work days.   I lapsed tonight on the way home - I was trying to get a headstart on the pre-op diet, and did well all day. However, I forgot I had a seminar to stay late for, which threw a spanner into the plans I made for dinner time, and I got too hungry (sugar-low kind of hungry). It was like a switch in my head flipped and I lost control. That physical drive to eat came back on with force. I went to Maccas' for a fillet-o-fish, fries and a diet coke, and when I was done, I said to myself "what the hell just happened here?". Then I went to get the groceries, and ended up also buying a roast chook and fattening deli-salads for dinner, this time washed down with several glasses of full-strength coke. Also bought a family block of Cadbury's for a late night snack (at least I gave DH half...). Double "what the hell just happened here???". I knew what I was doing, but couldn't stop myself from doing it anyway. :(   I know it's not a huge binge by some standards, but for me it was a major setback. However, I'm not going to get cut-up about it, at least now I recognise what just happened, and am trying to deal with it, whereas before I would have been in denial that it ever happened.:clap2:   Now I'm feeling queasy, and am trying to figure out what sort of control issue caused this incident - rebellion from being on a diet, or an inability to deal with feelings of hunger? Or both??:cool:   The late-night snacking I'll have to deal with by going to bed earlier. Or at least cleaning my teeth - after all, why spoil freshly cleaned teeth and fresh breath at that hour??   I am most worried about control issues once banded - I am hoping that I can use the band as a tool to learn how to control these old habits, and not sabbotage myself. Everyone's stories of success with these control issues are inspiring, and what helped me finalise my decsion to get banded. I definitely need to plug into a good therapist as well...:help:

Goannabanda

Goannabanda

 

Aug 23

WORKOUT: Run 1.15, 15 minutes, 30 minutes eliptical   BREAKFAST: 200C Bfast omelette 160C Protein shake TOAL 360   LUNCH:

lins12

lins12

 

Wednesday

I gained and I don't want to say what it was. I'm hurt but it was expected. I am doing well so far today. Instead of eating I will cry. I wanted to eat something very late last night, instead I cried. The release of fluids have to be some kind of weight loss. This morning, upset about life in general, cried.   289-291 I ate so much bread last week it was crazy. Yes I need a fill and I will get one soon. I will call now and see if the office is open. 9.13 at 1:30 good done. Stress is crazy but I decided to slow down yesterday. There is no point of running around with your head cut off just to be on time. I am having to follow my DC around just to get her to do things in a timely manner. It is working my last nerve but there is peace of mind because I know it is done. We had 25 minutes to get ready for TOPS and she gets in the bed. Noooooo get your clothes ready for school tomorrow. It took 25 minutes for her to look for and try on things. (I do not allow her to put something out unless she puts it on and we are both satisfied with how it looks, she is thick and I don't want her to be uncomfortable or upset about how she looks) I decided she needs to do a few other things she is going to have to do before bed anyhow.....empty the trash, clean the bathroom sink and get all papers that need my attention for school. I'm soooooo glad I took care of these things before we left.   OHHHH ALI, WE GOT THE MAIL....THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, THEY ARE SO CUTE.

Teresita

Teresita

 

Adios Cigna!

After two denials I decided to go to Mexico for sugery. Specifically, Dr. Ortiz. Of course he has a pre-op diet. Yep, I just HAD to pick the doc with a pre-op diet. So tonight was the Last Supper. Mexican with ice cream for dessert. I bought some protein powder from GNC and hopefully it isn't super gross. I can't believe surgery is just a little over a week away. Wow. I'm excited but scared. The life changes ahead of me are huge. But that would be true no matter which weight loss path I chose. The fact is, I have had an unhealthy relationship with food and eating and I need help to change. I just want to make it through the next 7 days without food. It is both a mental and ohysical challenge. I know I can do it!

Constance

Constance

 

I don't even know what to call this----ranting I guess.

Okay this is my journal so I can say what I want to. I try to be a good person.....I do a random act of kindness every single day...I believe in Karma. I am not in the habit of starting shit with anyone and I am not afraid of anyone either (sounds bad-I am just giving the mental picture here...lol) I will do anything for anybody I love to help people. I do not however like people who pretend to know everything (lol...as if anyone else likes them..ha ha) And I can't stand people who don't check the facts before opening their mouths. I allowed myself to get caught up in a stupid thread about coffee....ugh so not like me! I flat out stated that I do not like Starbucks (i tried to like them, i really did, i just can't). I watched TV on 9-11 along with millions of other people -watching the towers drop...I actually got to see the live shot of the plane coming into Tower Two behind Bryant Gumble's head...not that I deserve sympathy, I wasn't there and didn't lose a loved one in the tragedy. It effects me none-the-less. I watched the news when Starbucks wouldn't give the water for free....and yes, I understand that it was one employee and not the whole starbucks co. I don't really give a rats butt, what is done is done, and when I think of 9-11....that among other things sticks out in my mind. I do not love war.....on the other hand, I do believe in an eye for an eye.....and frankly I think we should bomb them back into the ground. Do I know about War and Military???? Yes I do, I grew up in Fort Dix...my father was in the service for 24 years.....and quite a few of my family members. I was born in Germany--my german grandfather also served in the war. Everyone is allowed their own opinion.....i mean everyone. When I read an opinion that is not of mine, i think.....hmmmmm...okay. I do not leave nasty posts and tell people to get their facts straight. I can't tell you how many posts I have read lately and think WTF???? I chose not to post at all ---it is after all their opinion and not mine. So today some idiot (loosly termed) tells me to read the facts, when indeed the facts that they posted -actually reflected what I was saying...ha ha it made me laugh....then I was called "rude". Hmmmm....yeah that is calling the kettle black isn't it??? (WTF?!) I am very passionate about a lot of things, but this terrorist thing really gets my shit ruffled! I am so mad at myself for allowing myself to get caught up in some stupid arguement over coffee.....I laughed because soda was mentioned and then when I pointed out it was a starbucks thread is when I was called rude....um no, i was just pointing out a fact. Before I go on ....I dont' care who drinks Starbucks...my own sis does and I could care less, I won't do it....plain and simple. This is the real root of my feelings, and I didn't post them on the starbucks post because I didn't want to get deeper into crap with anyone. Does anyone remember the beheadings that happened in the last few years??? Well, one of them is a guy who used to live up the street. While I think its sad, he did chose to live there, so one has to be prepared when they go to unsecure places. But here is the story.....I met his nephew....I spent 4 months in school with him. He is in second grade and is 7 years old. He doesn't have a father and his mother is attending school and has 3 kids. She does have a boyfriend(s). Okay so this child lays terrified in his bed every single friggin night because he is afraid the "bad men" are going to go thru the whole family and behead them!!!!! OMG i friggin cried when I heard this. (teary now too). The boyfriend took it upon himself to re-arrange the child's bedroom and now the shadows are different at night.....he thinks its the bad men. (ugh) I asked his teacher if she spoke to the mom... no not yet...omg I would be addressing this...its not funny. This child does not sleep at night for fear of the shadows....it is affecting his grades. He is the cutest, sweetest, little thing, I just want to give him a big hug and tell him the bad men will not get him. He is 7 friggin years old and is terrified. Terrorists.....Fu*kers!!!!! So yeah when i hear about starbucks I think of terrorists.........I think of this little boy.....I think about my own daughter who was in preschool at the time and came off the bus all kids of worried....wtf...why were they telling my kid this in school???? I called the school and told the teacher, if you need to talk about it, please insure the kids that they are safe here with their parents. Shortly after 9-11 I had furniture delivered .....big white truck....no lettering whatsoever...two men, one black and one mexican...wearing camo.....I thought this child was having a stroke....screaming at the top of her lungs "mommy the bad men are here to get us" I want to know WTF were they thinking wearing cammo after 9-11! Took me weeks to calm her down. So yeah I think of my daugher and the little boy (DJ) everytime I hear starbucks....I think of terrorists, I think of my teens calling me from school asking if they are gonna die....I think of my response to my oldest daughter "I dont' know". I think about how I told her she was safer at school...I had three kids in three different schools...ugh who do i get first. I tell the high schooler that if she feels unsafe she should call me and i will get her...she answers "I think that is what I am doing now mom" ....she is telling me this as the plane goes down in PA......I am not sure what to do.....for the first time, I don't have answers. The whole world is crashing. Me, the person who has total control and is afraid of no one, has no answers and no control. I sat with the car keys in my hand watching the news and planning the route to take to get the kids. So again, i just can't bring myself to like Starbucks, I don't owe an explanation to anyone. Nobody has to agree, and I am okay with that (sincerely I am). But what I can't stand is some numb nuts so bent on telling me to "get the facts" ---FU..I don't need facts. Ugh.

Bettina

Bettina

 

What I ate today.

8:30 am Breakfast: Calorie countdown choc. milk @ 8 oz mixed with one scoop protein powder unjury.   9:30 am Snack: Ok who am I kidding, I ate some of the breakfast left on my daughters plate.. a few bites of strawberry waffle.   1:00 pm Lunch: A peice of meatloaf, a bite or two of mashed potatoes, SF chocolate pudding.   6:00 pm Supper: Small portion of skinless chicken, 1 cup of fresh steamed broccoli/ banana zuccini from my garden.   Vitamins: 2 tbs. liquid vitamin, 3 Calciums chews   Water: At least 70 oz.   Goal: Start exercising tomorrow. I think I need it to get me more motivated to eat right. I think if I start seeing faster results I'll get more positive.

KariK

KariK

 

OMG moments (not positive)

OMG moment #1 - Yesterday, we picked up some family portraits we had done as part of a kinder fundraiser. They were taken in late July, around the time of my first surgeon's visit. I look like an elephant. :faint: I just can't see that in the mirror. The photo sure rammed it home. I did feel huge on the day, could barely get my fat butt, legs and guts into the required "comfortable lounging" position. ugh. That family portrait won't be hung on the wall - pity because DH & DS sure looked great. I'll put in straight into the album instead. at least it makes a great "before" shot. Time to ramp it up. I'll add in as much exercise as I can, and go with this new pre-op diet plan: 3 meals Optifast
2 or 3 fruit serves
1 cup salad
1 cup vegies
1 serve dairy OMG moment #2 - Vanilla Optifast tastes FOUL.:faint: I was a bit worried about its dubious yellow colour when I mixed it up... ...I didn't quite retch when drinking it - but was close. I'm trying to be positive and enjoy the experience as part of my pre-op, but that stuff is not the best. I'll add some dissolved coffee or non-joule flavourings to get through the packages I bought, and only get the choc stuff next time.

Goannabanda

Goannabanda

 

I have an appointment!

I have an appointment on Wednesday, October 4th, 2006 at 12:00 PM with Dr. Deron Ludwig. It doesn't even seem real... I feel excited, yet oddly detached. More later - I need some time to get my head around this thing. Tomato

Tsu

Tsu

 

I've been told I'm crazy, AGAIN!

Well, I FINALLY had my appointment with my band doctor today. Getting a word in edgewise with him is so terribly difficult. I went in to tell him all of these reflux troubles. I went in expecting a slight or total unfill. I tried to tell him my symptoms and I did for the most part. What happened was that he basically threatened me with band removal because "Well, we don't want unhappy people." I told him that I was happy as long as I wasn't having pain or reflux. He said, "I see you have a history of anxiety." WHAT? The only anxiety I've had was associated with that dark period where I had "esophageal spasms" that turned out to be gall bladder attacks. Dr. Duckett (his partner) didn't diagnose them properly, I was desperate for help because they HURT LIKE HELL! I can't say that enough...THEY HURT LIKE HELL AND I WANTED TO DIE DURING THE ATTACKS. He went on to question my "anxiety" and why I'm not happy with my band and did they REALLY find stones in my gall bladder. As if some sweetheart doctor just took my gall bladder out because I asked him to. PUHLEEZ!   Ultimately, he decided to do an EGD (scope my esophagus and stomach) and check my band under fluoroscope. BUT, yes, BUT I have to get prior approval from my insurance which could take weeks. Yes, I said weeks. I asked him what I'm supposed to do in the mean time. He said keep taking the Nexium (which hadn't really made the reflux go away) and maybe do liquids. I feel like I've been living on soup and ice cream (which feels like heaven on my throat by the way). I spent the weekend sleeping in a lawn chair! I'm not sleeping well because the burning wakes me up. Thank God I don't aspirate (which is another argument he had against me having "real reflux") other than maybe a little rattle in my chest first thing in the morning which is cleared with a good cough or 2.   I have been completely dissed by my band doctor, or at least I feel that way. I've been left to experience these symptoms, including tasting blood on occasion because one doctor felt I was experiencing "anxiety" in the past and the partner (who obviously read the remark in my chart) either doesn't have a clue or honestly thinks that too. Anxiety, which personally I feel was justified during the gall bladder debaucle, had I actually been having it. I just want treated. I want the symptoms to be gone. Good God, I've changed my job to a less stressful one. I exercise more. I've made lots of improvements in my life. Wouldn't I know if I were having anxiety attacks or anxiety in general? My only anxiety revolves around these symptoms and not being allowed to get them treated. It has nothing to do with the band itself and to threaten me with removing it simply because he thinks I'm unhappy with the band is ludicrous. I love my band, believe it or not. I really think I'm probably just too tight (hopefully). I think there's a small possibility of other complications here like a slip or something. But this has been coming on kind of gradually with increased intensity since that last fill. I'd say about a month after that last fill I noticed the first sore throat in the morning.   The clear thinking medical practicioner in me versus the angry patient can still see that this can be treated, as long as I find someone who will listen and not pass psychological judgement. I sincerely do not know what kind of patient I display myself to others as to have this kind of judgement passed upon me. I've even had to stop telling my doctors that I'm a nurse, they get all high and mighty with me. They say, "there's only one thing worse than a patient who is a nurse and that's a patient who is a doctor." I'm not kidding when I say that a doctor has told me, "what's the worst thing that could happen, you have to be in a wheelchair and your husband will push you around?" (This was when I was seeking treatment for an arthritic hip-I have since had to have a replacement) I do not demand certain tests, treatments or even suggest diagnoses. I let their own egos direct the care. The only time I've interjected was when my 2nd opinion on the gall bladder was going for esophageal spasms again. I asked if he would check my gall bladder. He did. He apologized for having missed it.   Well, now that I've ranted enough and before I get all kinds of hostile PM's or something let me alleviate all your fears and concerns. I have made an appointment to see ANOTHER DOCTOR for Friday. Yes, I have had it as far as I can take it with these two egomaniacs who think that everything they have operated on should go by the book. (They have told me that they have only had a couple of their lap band patients need gall bladder surgery after lap band). Well, come on.......we all know that weight loss in the fair, fertile, female, fat, forty (well, you get the picture) leads to gall stones. I may have to drive over 3 hours to get there, but if this doc listens to me and pays attention to my symptoms it will be well worth the drive. I just want to feel better. Who the hell cares about losing weight at this point? Dr. C..............here I come.

S@ssen@ch

S@ssen@ch

 

weights

6/15/06- 228.6 7/06/06- 213 7/31/06- 201.4 8/10/06- 199.2 8/22/06- 198.6 (30) 8/23/06- 196.4 8/24/06- 195.2 8/27/06- 195.8 9/1/06 - Fill (1.7cc) 9/11/06- 195.6 11/4/06 - 190 11/17/06 - 189.6 (40) date of fill (3.1cc) 11/25/06 - 187.4 11/27/06 - 186 12/2/06 - 185.6 12/5/06 - 183.4 12/8/06 - 185 12/14/06 - 182.4 12/20/06 - 179.8! 12/21/06 - 178.6 (50) 1/3/07 - 176.2 1/5/07- 174.2 1/12/07- 172.4 2/16/07 - 168.2 (60) 2/20/07 - 167.2 3/15/07-163.6(65) 3/22/07- 162 6/1/07 - 159 10-15-07 - 173.4 Fill(3.1-3.2) said only 3.0 in before 11-11-07 - 180.6 11-14-07 - 176   1-6-09 - 185.2 1-19-09 - 179.2 4-6-09 - 173.2 8-8-09 - 171.4 10-21-09 - 155 (70) 12-29-09 - 146 (80)

Olive

Olive

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

×